ANIMALS AND GOING CHEAP

I woke up, went for a ciggie, and I found this dude in the garden. He probably has rabies.

-I will kill you with my fangs of doom!

Then I went to eat lunch, and this guy showed up. He ate a mosquito, that I am sure was out for my blood. I am in your debt, tiny lizard with a mosquito inside of you.

-Now, I actually prefer mosquitoes that are full. Bad timing, I guess.

So, I was about to go on the night train to Chiang Mai. It’s a 14 hour train ride, and you have a few options. You can get a bed, and it’ll cost you around 800 bath (27$), you can get a bad recliner seat for around 350 bath (12$), or you can go cheapo. 60 bath (2$), third class. Chickens and toddlers and people and the works. Benches, barely padded. Straight 90 degree back rests. About as comfortable as a hemorrhoid. 

Well, I am traveling on a budget, am I not?

Bad choice. Now, the seating wasn’t too bad. The wagon wasn’t full, and I got a bench to myself. My little 1 meter sleeping space. Fantastic. Everyone was staring as me, as if asking «why is this rich white falang traveling with the poor people in 3rd class?». Nobody wanted to sit next to me. I probably stank like the foreign shit I am. Then, the sun set.

l8rz, d00d.

Insects. All the windows were open, due to the tropical heat, and now all kinds of insects came flying into the wagon. A large cricket commited suicide on my forehead. I was covered in some mosquito-like things. They didn’t sting, so I assume we hit swarms of male mosquitoes. Males are much nicer than females. At least they don’t suck.

But, after 14 hours of insects and chickens, and far too few small lizards to eat them all, I arrived in Chiang Mai.

Since I had saved so much money being a cheap bastard on the train, I paid for a braid. That rhymes. Now I’m all braided.

That kringle, it is amazing!

THINGS TO DO IN BANGKOK WHEN YOU’RE LAZY

It was time to start, but since I never plan anything, nothing ever goes according to plan. I spent 6 nights in Bangkok, in a ramshackle, extremely cosy guesthouse by the river, complete with a genuine burmese ladyboy, stoners in the hallway, an old hippie, nervous girls traveling together, a few lost backpackers that’s been staying far too long, and at least 4 guitars, 5 ukuleles and a few assorted drums.

So, I didn’t really see much of Bangkok. I saw a few street food stalls along the way, and I ate more than a few portions of fried rice. I tried all kinds of food from a 7-11 that was the closest shop to the guesthouse, and I had a few too many Chang beer. Sometimes, talking to other people about traveling is the best thing to do while traveling. There’s enough wats and buddhas in Southeast Asia to last a lifetime, and you don’t really need to see them all. 

Now, there’s one thing you need to do in Bangkok. It’s not listed in any guidebooks, and it’s probably not the safest thing to do, but damn, it is high value for money. When you finally decide it’s time to leave Bangkok behind, find a toothless tuk-tuk driver during rush hour, pay him 3 times the normal fee, and ask him to get you to the train station fast as fuck. Hold on to your seat and your luggage, and watch the crazy bastard speed between cars, cross on red lights and go way too fast between cars ON THE MOTHERFUCKING WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD. Yeah. You don’t need to bungee jump or parachute or go rock climbing. He’ll laugh and smile and say stuff like «Tuk tuk much better than taxi. Taxi one hour. Tuk tuk 15 minutes» and «Me good driver, yes!»

"Looking good, yes!?"

I got out in one piece, at least. I guess the lucky charms in his rear-view mirror did their job. The train took me for a two-hour ride to Ayutthaya. Not as fun as Bangkok, but I at least found this old ruined wat. It was a little on the side.

Wat is njow, cow?

Anyways, I'm off to Chiang Mai. See you there :)